Void

CHAPTER ONE: ASYLUM

1958

"Wake up!" his voice is loud and hot against my ear. I force my eyes shut for as long as possible; There's no doubt that he'll shine a flashlight in my face the moment they open. It's still dark out, probably not even past midnight, even.

He pulls at my blankets and forces me awake. I shout for him to go away and leave me alone, but it's useless. I always loose in the end. At least I still have my dignity. For now.

I get up slowly, and open my eyes, but instead of being blinded by light, I notice that he's gone across the room, toward the door. He flips the light switch on, and I have to squint before getting used to the light.

"You're going to take a new kind of medicine," Doctor Norton says slowly, as if I couldn't comprehend his words. His voice had also gone back to normal, with no more shouting or anger in it.

"Will it make me sick?" I utter back, quietly. He just smirks in my direction and opens up a little case he'd placed on my dresser.

"We can only hope," He replies. "And, you're not to tell the other girls about this. Understood? This medication is specifically top-secret. Do you know why we chose you, of all the women in this facility?" Whenever he explained things, he sounded so menacing and evil. I wanted to spit in his face. I said nothing.

"We chose you because you're a fighter, Eleanor. A fighter. That's a compliment, by the way."

I looked away, trying to block him out. He stepped over, his boots creaking across the wooden floor. My room was sparsely decorated, compared to the other rooms. The younger girls had toy chests at the foot of their beds, and pictures of the people who used to love them tacked to the wall. I had nothing. The older women, the ones who've experienced the most horrors of this place, stick to their rooms and simply exist. But at least they're still visited by family. At least they have someone to think about.

In one hand, he holds a clear glass of water. In the other, a handful of pills. He hands me the glass and I stare down at it. I'm terribly thirsty. He then takes both of his hands and forces my mouth open. He tosses the pills in, to make sure I swallow, and then guides my hand up to tip trickles of water in.

"Good girl. Very good. Now go back to bed."

And then he leaves.

And I can't sleep any more. I lie awake staring at the ceiling, at the fan as it spins rapidly in endless circles. The window has metal bars across it, and moonlight creates a pattern across the rug. I am alone. I will always be alone.

I will die here, alone.

The realization dawns on me hard. I sit up quickly and fight a panicked breath. I'll die here alone before I'm rescued from this God forsaken place. I'll die alone before I ever experience a real loving family. I'll die alone before I find out the truth to my existence. I'll die alone.

Fits of rage and sadness overwhelm my body. I'm shaking, and although it's probably the effects of the drugs washing through me, I can't help but think that it's all the bottled up emotions I've been storing away for so long. I can't take it here. I can't handle it. I'm not crazy. I never was. This place is filled with completely normal girls who think completely normal things and do completely normal actions. They don't belong here. I don't belong here.

I roll off the bed and plummet to the floor. It feels icy and cold against my feverish skin. My nightgown is disheveled and I quickly sit up to fix it. Standing is a chore as my legs wobble and my mind shakes.

What's happening to me? Why am I feeling this way? I've never taken any pills that have been this harsh before. I stagger to the dresser and grab hold of the glass of water. I'm shaking so hard that the water spills from my hands and the glass shatters on the floor. I feel little stabs of pain on my bare feet, shards of glass sticking my skin.

"Help!" I shout. At least, I thought I shouted it. Everything seems amplified, and even a whisper hurts my ears.

The door is unlocked and shoved open. Two guards rush in, ready to apprehend me. They pull my arms back, as if I were trying to hurt them, and pull me away from the glass. All I can do now is shriek and whine with pain. They practically slam me back onto the bed. I hear the sounds of the mattress springs groan as weight is applied, and the familiar sting of a sedative is stuck into my arm. The world around my eyes slowly fades...

I'm stuck in the void between consciousness and unconsciousness.

God help me.